The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
