how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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