I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
