I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
