We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
