i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So much rum. So many feels.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
