omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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