i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
