all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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