I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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