you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
