Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
