there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
