We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
