I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
