Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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