so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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