I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
