That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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