then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
