So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
