Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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