i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just blew my weed a kiss
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
