Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
