I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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