At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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