Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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