I look better un-naked...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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