ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We have started to decorate penises.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The air taste purple.
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