there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
