I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
