There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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