It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
