Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
