textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
