I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
