i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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