Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
