No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
