i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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