i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
