i was born a porn star she said
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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