I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
