Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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