I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
