Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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