Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Randomize
