Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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