i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
