i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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