Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
