hell yes lets make some ravioli
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
