She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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