the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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